I’ve spent my entire life in cages. Cages I locked myself in for protection. Cages I constructed out of fear. Cages I had no idea were cages.
When I was young I caged myself with food. Then with diet pills. I caged myself with perfection and being the obedient, good girl. I caged myself with silence, never wanted to say the “wrong” thing. I caged myself with omissions. Deleting parts of who I was or shrinking to fit who I thought I was “suppose” to be.
The cage doors swung open when I got sick. The cages no longer offered protection. I thought I had followed the rules. I wasn’t suppose to be sick. But that’s not how it works. “Bad” things happen to “good” people all the time. There are no rules. The cages I built were not safe. They never had been.
I began stretching and growing bigger than the tiny bars that held me. It feels better than I knew it would. It is also terrifying.
Imagine thinking a certain way you’re whole life and one day waking up to the realization you didn’t have to think that way anymore. Finally seeing you were the one holding yourself back all these years.
It’s scary to be out of the cage. I now know the perception of safety is just that… a sense of truth. It is not actual truth. I am adjusting to the feeling of freedom. The vast amount of possibilities is overwhelming.
Illness brought healing. Sickness brought health. I am constantly adjusting and regaining my footing.
The cage door is open. Watch out.
Thank you to Glennon Doyle for conceptualizing cages in Untamed. You sharing yours helped me realize what mine were.
